His conclusion was that “hammering is anything but what it appears to be”; such a statement, if not open to explicit refutation, seems unnecessary and unenlightening.

“Are there ants in heaven?” Sophia asked.

“No,” said Grandmother, and lay down carefully on her back.

Mary then retaliates by calling Emily a blog whore in front of the whole school, which landed both girls in the guidance counselor, Gordy Gambhir’s (Kal Penn) office.

Suspension from school, the loss of a friend, a broken heart and lack of inspiration lead to Maude’s downfall in this romp through teenage error.

In this corner, the man in black, wearing a goatee and looking like a snake-oil pitchman, is Billy Mitchell of Hollywood, Fla., in real life a hot-sauce tycoon (Rickey’s World Famous Sauces), who says he is the man who first retailed chicken wings in their modern culinary form in Florida.

That was not enough for one lifetime. He also achieved the first perfect game in the history of Pac-Man, his high score on Donkey Kong stood unchallenged for 25 years, and in 1999, he was named Video Game Player of the Century.

I sat there, rocking back and forth with my eyes crossed, and through the stream of drool and vitreous humor leaking down my chin I muttered again and again, “Shoot him with an elf arrow. Shoot. Him. With. An. Elf. Arrow. SHOOT HIM WITH AN ELF ARROW!”

They also have a template for the approved sort of society, one that fosters art and culture, and a list of social diseases including the “Duong-Watts malignant”.

The gross and net result of it is that people who spent most of their natural lives riding iron bicycles over the rocky roadsteads of this parish get their personalities mixed up with the personalities of their bicycle as a result of the interchanging of the atoms of each of them and you would be surprised at the number of people in these parts who nearly are half people and half bicycles.

Thomas Q. Radigan’s letter in “Aardvard Comment” of issue 148 disturbed me.