My seasonal depression has really kicked into gear in the last few weeks.

I find it nearly impossible to do creative work while depressed. That’s why I haven’t written any more of my novel since late November.

(Among other things, it disrupts my ability to look at my own ideas or drafts and ask myself “is this good? how good is it? how could it be improved?” If I’m depressed, this faculty is replaced with a broken machine that always says “no, this is worthless, don’t even try.”

Even if I know not to trust the broken machine, that still leaves me unable to perceive gradations of quality, and unable to tell which changes might improve the thing I’ve got in front of me.)

It’s very frustrating…

My mood is usually not too bad while the sun is up, but during the work week that time is all taken up by work, and then in the weekends there are often other constraints.

I am relatively free this weekend, so I’m going to give writing a try. Probably won’t finish a chapter, though. And there are a lot of chapters left … but “waiting around until one’s ‘productivity’ returns” is a great way to get absolutely nothing done, so I shouldn’t just do that.