The Homestucks as Generatorland Shitposts

castellankurze:

shitpost generator

John Egbert:  you cant drown in a sea of beard oil

Rose Lalonde:  i gaze solemnly out of the car window. droplets of rain slide down and collect on its surface. the pigeon-grey sky is clouded over and thick with cold crisp moisture. i turn to you and say what we have both been thinking: i want to acquire chaos

Dave Strider:  im going to go back in time and understand knives

Davesprite:  i saw a bird once and you can’t tell me they dont experience hell

Jade Harley:  the goal: interact with furries

Jane Crocker:  i’m a jaded teenage girl. i’ve been through shit that you wouldn’t even dream of. i escape friendship

Roxy Lalonde:  *sees another human being* time to fill the void left by death

Dirk Strider:  (leading you on a tour of the house) and here is the room where i draw heterosexuals

Jake English:  (leading u on a secluded path thru the woods) yeah i guess you could say i escape wolves

Aradia Megido:  why cant we all just get along and love death

Tavros Nitram:  i’m not like those other guys. i endorse monsters?

Sollux Captor:  According to all known laws of aviation there is no way a bee should be able to get along with others despite differing opinions about friends

Karkat Vantas:  im just small and i thrash on the floor and yell about it?

Nepeta Leijon:  do you think i think deeply about fursonas?

Kanaya Maryam:  i’m fun. i’m flirty and cute. i’m gonna feed off actual flesh?

Terezi Pyrope:  im trapped in a babies r us right now which is substantially worse than a toys r us. i havent seen daylight for months and i cannot escape. please rescue me from baby hell so i can once again pretend to be dragons

Vriska Serket:  your fave is problematic: they pretend to care about everything good in the world

Equius Zahhak:  one thing ive learned is that its surprisingly difficult to endorse milk

Gamzee Makara:  a bumper sticker that reads: honk if you sell meat

Eridan Ampora:  (reclining in an antique armchair and sipping a thick black liquid from a wine glass) ah. i suppose its time to betray civilization

Feferi Peixes:  i love fish because they love my aesthetic

Calliope:  dear diary….today i am going to romanticize homestuck

Caliborn:  do you hear the people sing? singing the song of angry men? it is the music of me when i disregard good things

Andrew Hussie:  im going to write a modern version of romeo and juliet where they both worship horses

(via dharma-initiative-official)