veronicastraszh:

[snip]

I’ll say, when your premises are completely wrong, your conclusions will likely be wrong as well. I’m a “SJW woman” and I don’t think “basic decent behavior” from men requires they “do favors” for me. Like, where the fuck did you get that idea? And of course, if someone is literally ungrateful, then stop doing favors for them. Easy peasy. Make friends with decent people who reciprocate. This is taught in “being a social human 101.″

About the last sentence: on the one hand, I completely agree, and on the other hand, this is much harder for a lot of people (e.g. me) than you make it sound.

The basic problem is that, once you accept that different people often have different needs, which is clearly true – the sorts of actions that count as “being decent” toward a friend with serious social anxiety, say, are different from the sort of actions that count as “being decent” toward a friend without it – then every question about what counts as “doing favors” becomes an arguable, empirical question.

Is this person not being grateful because they’re entitled?  Or are they just not being grateful because the actions I’m taking aren’t some sort of special favor, they’re just basic common courtesy as it applies to this particular person?  You could avoid this question by simply resolving to treat everyone in the same way, but this shuts out the potential for social bonds with anyone any special needs.  (I always think of this comic when this stuff comes up.)  On the other hand, if you don’t do this, you may end up buying into frameworks in which you must do something very taxing to you despite any gratitude, because it’s just “human decency” and you’d be “terrible” if you didn’t.  Making this call is not always easy.

(via starlightvero)